Characters:
- Sweetest Husband in the World
- Easily Distracted Wife-Mom
- Eldest Daughter
- Second Daughter
Note: Entire scene must be played out at high speed. Actress cast for Easily Distracted must be able to type at 110 WPM.
Scene: Dining room table. Sweetest Husband is seated at the table, laptop open, cup of coffee on a coaster. Eldest Daughter and Second Daughter lounge on a red sofa against a nearby wall, texting rapidly and giggling occasionally or saying something to each other, sotto voce.
EDWM strides into the room. She pulls her laptop out of a large duffel bag and sets it on the table, then pulls two USB flash drives out of a smaller purse hidden in the large one. SHW watches as she plugs the laptop in, notices the flash drives.
SHW: Have you backed up your drives yet?
EDWM (sheepishly, spoken in the tone of someone who received one particular flash drive in her Christmas stocking two weeks ago, one who has been asked this question before and who really, really meant to get to the task before this):
I knew you were going to ask, and I was just about to!
SHW: Ri-i-i-ght…
EDWM: Seriously, that’s the first thing I’m doing. I won’t even open the Twitter tab.
She begins working at the computer.
EDWM (to no one in particular): I need to back up the old flash drive and My Documents. I’d better do some clean-up first.
At back of stage, large screen shows projection of the tasks she is performing on the computer.
1. Select My Computer.
2. Select old flash drive, check properties. It’s nearly full.
3. Open flash drive. There are 11 folders on the screen, and another dozen or so individual files.
4. Open first folder on list: Accounting.
5. Open subfolder KidAccounting.
6. Open each of the 3 spreadsheets there. Scroll down, lingering a while in two with similar time frames in the file names to see if they’re actually the same document renamed back in 2006 for some long forgotten reason. Decide they need to be kept, close each.
7. Back up a level to Accounting.
8. Open subfolder QuickenData.
9. Change view from Thumbnail to List. Spend time figuring out Quicken’s strange way of naming backup files. Delete all but the most recent, realizing just in time that there are several different file extensions and you should probably keep all with the same dates in the name, just in case.
10. Back up a level to Accounting.
11. Open subfolder Taxes.
12. All files in this folder have a date in the filename that is more recent than 7 years ago, so don’t delete any.
13. Back up a level to Accounting.
14. Open file named for house address. On screen is a calculation of the ownership shares of two unmarried individuals buying a house together, showing the expenses of the purchase and an estimated household budget. Delete this, because these two individuals are now married, community property law applies, and SHW is the love of EDW’s life (third time IS the charm).
15. Open a file named Account Summaries because you can’t remember what’s in there. It’s a list of financial accounts—surprise!—last updated over 18 months ago. Close file, but don’t delete—you never know when you might actually update it.
16. Back up another level to the flash drive directory.
17. Open next file in alphabetical list: Blog.
18. Long list of obscure and cryptic file names appears on screen.
19. Scroll somewhat aimlessly up and down. Create a subfolder named Posted.
20. Move several files quickly into this folder. Open a few more to be reminded which ones they were; move some into the folder, leave some in the main folder.
21. Two have similar names: Everyday Heroes, and Useful Super Hero Traits. Open each one to see what it’s about.
22. Close Everyday Heroes, move it into the Posted subfolder.
23. Realize that it has been a few days since you put up a blog post, and Useful Super Hero Traits is just about good to go.
24. Go to Internet browser tab at bottom of screen and click to maximize.
25. The browser has several tabs already open: Gmail, Facebook, Google Reader, Twitter, Twurl, Hotmail, ESD101.
26. Open a new tab, begin typing in blog URL, select Google’s autocomplete suggestion. It shows the account is already signed in.
27. Click on New Post at upper right.
Eldest Daughter and Second Daughter are talking, loudly enough for EDW to hear:
ED: Is school closed again tomorrow?
SD (looking down at cell phone screen): Karl says so. He goes to Rogers and that’s District 81.
ED: They wouldn’t close just one school in the district.
Screen projection:
28. Open another tab in the browser.
29. Type esd101.net.
30. Click on red-letter bold-type Snow Closures at top of lefthand nav bar.
31. Scroll down on resulting page to reach a text box.
32. Scroll down inside the textbox, reach the bottom, start back up again reading slowly because these alerts are posted as they come in, and the most recent is on the bottom. Shake head sadly at the poor user interface design this reflects.
33. Spot School District 81, stop scrolling.
EDW reads aloud: Spokane Public Schools will be closed on Thursday January 8, 2009 due to dangerous residential road conditions and rapidly melting snow.
ED and SD (more or less simultaneously): Yay! No school!
EDW: Oh! I already had ESD open. I just automatically started typing.
Screen projection:
34. Closes righthand tab, revealing that the next tab to the left is the same page.
SHW, to EDW (taking advantage of the opening): You know my incomplete? I talked to my prof and he said the paper has to be 10 pages long. I’m supposed to collect real customer data and analyze that. That’s where I ran into the problem because I can’t get a list of the dealers to survey.
EDW: I asked a question about this on Twitter today. I got those responses I already sent you but I didn’t ask the question the right way, so I sent another tweet. Let me see what they said.
Screen projection:
35. Click on Twitter tab.
36. Go to DMs. Scroll down, pause on one.
EDW (reading aloud): Can you tell me which product or products he is interested in manufacturing? That may help me help you.
EDW (turns from screen to face SHW): Is it okay to tell him what you’re making? This is in a DM so nobody else will see it.
SHW: Sure, I don’t see why not. Accessories for the Hobie Mirage Adventure Island.
EDW (repeating, stumbling slightly): The Adventure Mirage Island?
SHW (patiently): The Hobie Mirage Adventure Island.
Screen projection:
37. Click on DM reply button next to the message she read aloud.
ESDW says (typing simultaneously): That's what's so cool about Twitter! I don't know this guy--I think it's a guy. I just put out a question and I got answers.
Screen projection:
38. Type: We need to know how many Hobie dealers there are & how many Adventure Mirage Islands they sell ea yr (for 1 product); making an accessory.
39. Hit Enter. DM appears on screen.
EDW: Adventure Mirage Islands, right?
SHW (enunciating clearly and slowly): Mirage. Adventure. Island. M-A-I.
EDW: I got it wrong!
Screen projection:
40. Click on DM reply next to the same message.
41. Type: I got the name wrong! Hobie Mirage Adventure Island (MAI) is the product for which we need annual sales figures & dealer #s/contact info
Voiceover narration of EDW’s thoughts: Hey, this would make a great blog post! I'm supposed to be backing up my files.
Screen projection continues:
42. Maximize Word tab at bottom of screen.
43. In Word, click on New Document shortcut at top of screen. That annoying screen that requires you to acknowledge that yes, when you say New Document, you mean Blank Document--not a Calendar or anything else involving a Wizard or other magical creature--appears.
44. Click on Blank Document. Remember that it requires a double click. Sigh impatiently. Click twice. Firmly.
45. Begin typing: ADD.
46. Hit Ctrl-S.
47. When file name entry box appears, type ADD on the interwebz and click Save.
48. Back in new document, begin typing: Characters: Sweetest Husband in the World....