Useful Super Hero Traits: I Am Sleeper Girl

“The Incredibles” is one of our family favorites, watched enough times that we’ve memorized some of the dialogue. We probably all dream of having superhero powers at one point or another. Flying, super strength, leaping tall buildings in a single bound, invisibility, laser vision—wouldn’t those be fun?

In the movie, of course, the super heroes have to go underground, where their super powers mostly lie untapped.

It’s handy when Elastigirl can use her stretchy arms to try to keep her kids from fighting under the dining room table, but other than that, their powers don’t do that much good in day to day life.

Given the two-plus feet of snow on the ground at our house last week, laser vision would actually be great, as we could vaporize the snow and clear the driveway, but the neighbors would notice. (Or maybe not, now that the temperatures have warmed up and everything’s melting.)

I’m working on a list of powers that we’d really use in a normal day, without being detected by the muggles.

I, for example, am Sleeper Girl. I fall asleep easily—within about 60 seconds if I’m not kept awake by some means, as Sweetheart can attest.

My job requires some very early-morning calls during snow season, and I can get up and work for half an hour to an hour, go back to bed and go straight to sleep to make up for the lost ZZZZs.

Not poor Sweetheart, who might be dubbed Wakeful Man if that had any super value. While Sleeper Girl really hates to be Sleep-Deprived Girl, I’m always able to make up for lost sack time, whereas once he’s awake, he has to give in and get up because his brain is working overtime. He lies awake for a while, staring at the ceiling and designing sails or computer programs or something in his head, then gets up. This is not super useful.

A power I’d like to have: Mold Blaster. I’d be able to eliminate the mold on the last few slices of bread in the drawer, or the half-empty carton of sour cream in the back of the fridge, to save myself from making a trip to the store in mid-meal prep.

This could also come in handy cleaning the bathroom—not that it’s ever dirty enough to be moldy, I hasten to add…. Not really. Not with my fondness for bleach where it counts.

Al Dente Woman: She can always judge the doneness of whatever’s being cooked, without burning her fingers juggling a hot piece of pasta. This power applies to all foods, so she can do perfect over-easy eggs, pie crust that isn’t burned around the edge, muffins that aren’t still too wet in the middle, and of course—most important—snickerdoodles cooked to that moment of perfection where they’re still slightly bendy in the middle.

Laundry Liberator: With one piercing glance, restores clothing to clean, pressed, nice-smelling state (includes chemical-free dry cleaning service and closet organizing).

I’m sure there are more. I’m just stuck in a domestic mode because I didn’t spend my days off last week cleaning the house thoroughly the way I sort of halfway kinda maybe thought I might, and the mood isn’t going to strike any time soon. I need these Supers to show up, and soon.
Addendum Feb. 22, 2009: Added my superhero image, created at Found Hero Factory thanks to Berry Blog.